Take Emotional Dumping Out With The Trash

We’ve all been there. Venting our emotions to a friend, a partner, a parent, a sibling, a random stranger on the train, even to yourself. We’ve noticed our venting partner zone out, start to nod in agreement a lot more, and ask a lot less questions. And then we pause… ‘where am I even going with this?’ ‘Was there a point when I started down this rabbit hole?’

I will be the first to acknowledge that I find myself in this situation with people I care about A LOT. I will also be the first to acknowledge that it’s so important for you to openly express your emotions, otherwise all of that energy will escape in a less healthy way…. Passive aggression toward a partner for not doing the dishes for the 3rd night in a row, yelling at the traffic ahead of you, rewriting a strongly worded email a few hundred times so it sounds professional enough to send… you get the picture.

Sometimes, emotional dumping and venting to a person we feel safe with can feel like our only option, and sometimes it can sound like this: “I’m feeling really triggered I have to talk about this”, “I’ve been ruminating about a previous fight we had and I just…”, “I need to spill everything”. While all of these are very real and important details to externalize, I promise you, there is a way healthier and more validating way to process what’s feeling so big.

Enter, Flow of Feelings. No, we’re not meditating or joining a yoga gym, we’re working on organizing our feelings in order to free ourselves from any situation that fuels any sort of emotion in us, good and bad and everything in between! The spectrum of emotions is very real and very important to honor.

Grab your partner, a friend, a family member, or your journal, and let’s flow!

First, the listener (your partner, friend, family member, or journal) will ask: Is there a specific topic you want to work through or just speak generally about what’s going on in your head?

To be clear, the journal doesn’t speak, you’ll write this part out in the heading or wherever makes most sense to you!

Second, you will reply with what you’re feeling and needing in this moment in regard to the topic of choice! I know this may feel clunky or way too structured the first time you do this, it’s okay. Feel that awkwardness, accept it, embrace it, and push through.

Next, you’ll start your flow of feelings! You’ll begin with anger, flow to sadness, then fear, and then guilt. It’s important to start with the more ‘negative’ feelings in order to give yourself the time and space to flow through the big feelings that are easier to access before coming full circle and ending in a more positive light. You can spend as much time as you want to with each emotion before flowing to the next. Feel that emotion connected to the topic at hand. After guilt, you will flow to your feelings of happiness, gratefulness, security, and pride. Encourage yourself to stay on track with the original topic you had chosen for this flow. Sometimes it even helps to write out all of the emotions! I will share a visual below.

Finally, your partner, friend, family member, or journal will wait for you to finish your feeling flow and then ask to give you ‘connective messages’. This is where the journal piece becomes a little more difficult, but stay tuned. These connective messages your partner will give you can look a million different ways. They can sound like appreciation for sharing, recognizing something they learned during your share, and acknowledging something they want to support you in. As for our journaling folks, you can reflect on these questions! What did you appreciate about flowing through theses feelings? Did you learn something new about yourself? What do you need support in?

This is designed to be a connective and grounding activity that soars past the emotional dumping that we find ourselves leaning toward in moments of uproar, sadness, and even elation. While this is great in particular instances, flow of feelings is also a great check-in to do on a regular basis with the important people in your life. Get creative with it, and be open about bringing it up as something you’d like to try together.

I hope the next time you find yourself back in the place of wondering what you even began talking about, take a breath. Pause. Flow of feelings is here for you!

Reach out with any questions or feedback you may have! Take care of yourselves. :)

The natural flow of the feelings process!

Here’s an example of the process!

Emily Bretl

Becoming Therapy Services, LLC