Home For The Holidays (DBT’s Version)
While I am fully aware that October is over, I would argue that Spooky Season is just beginning. *enter the holiday season*
I am a sucker for the holiday season. I drink the hot drinks, decorate like it’s my second job, and watch all of the Hallmark movies where there is always someone coming home for the holidays.
Home for the holidays. What do you think about when you hear that phrase? I think of the lyric “Oh, there’s no place like home for the holidays”. (You’re so welcome for having that stuck in your head now.)
When we set aside all of the romanticized cozy feelings that initially flood our brains, we can be met with overwhelm of plans, lack of familial and friend boundaries, or memories filled with grief and loss.
Whatever your holiday season looks like, it always feels like there is a lot of pressure to stay present and enjoy the time with family or friends, find the best deals and get the perfect gifts, make the best food… you get the picture. When we distract ourselves with all of these illusions of staying present, are we really staying present?
No, we aren’t. We’re probably just really dysregulated and disassociating from our bodies in order to accomplish these mile long to-do lists.
Honestly, I’m selfishly writing this blog as a challenge to myself for the next few months. If we can continue to stay true to our own values, strengths, and systems of support, we can do our absolute best to really feel mindful, present, and in tune with our own bodies and needs during this season.
“Okay, Emily, how do we do that?”
I’ve got you. I’ve got visuals, too!
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is an evidence based therapy that was created and adapted for folks that feel emotions more intensely than others. Hi, it’s me, I am folks. DBT’s goal is to help people live in the moment, develop healthy ways to cope with stress, regulate emotions, and improve relationships with others.
I mean, it sounds like DBT was created after someone spent an afternoon at a family holiday gathering.
As you can imagine, DBT provides a lot of skills for people to utilize for their every day life. One of my favorite skill building activities DBT has is something called ‘The DBT House Activity’. Creative, right? The DBT House Activity is a “creative and engaging tool to help individuals build a strong foundation for emotional well-being. By visualizing and exploring their inner emotional landscape, participants can gain valuable insights into their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and identity areas for growth and change.” (Grouport Therapy).
The literal house shape keeps you organized in your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors as you navigate the prompts. It also metaphorically represents the home that we create for ourselves inside of our minds and bodies.
I encourage you to spend some time journaling about these prompts, thinking about how you want to show up in this new season, and recognizing what you need for yourself.
There is so much going on globally and personally. Be kind to yourself. If this feels like a lot, just find some time to think about these prompts, even if it’s briefly. Or chat about it with a friend, partner, or family member.
Below you will see an example of the DBT House, Holiday Edition.
My hope and goal for all of us (yes, I’m including myself) is that we take time to process what these questions are asking us - whether that is through drawing, talking, writing, or thinking. We deserve to put ourselves first, especially during a time that feels really hectic and overwhelming.
Walk through each question with intention, honesty, and practicability. This is not another thing on a to-do list.
Here is your step by step example! Traditionally, you start at the bottom and work your way up. If certain questions stick out to you though, break tradition! Go where you feel.
Take care of yourselves this season, and all seasons. :)
Emily Bretl, LSW, MFTC
Becoming Therapy Services, LLC
Links from post:
https://www.think2perform.com/values/ (values sort from the DBT House)
